rebirth.

1st Corinthians 13:4-8
Love is patient. Love is kind. It is not jealous, boastful, proud or rude. Love does not demand its own way. Love is not irritable, and it keeps no record of when it has been wronged. It is never glad about injustices but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. Love will last forever, but prophecy and speaking in unknown languages and special knowledge will all disappear.

*the above passage comes from the bible. the next passage comes from my angel.*

   I'm not usually a spiritual person but lately this scripture has been speaking wonders. It's made me think. About me, you, and definitely about us. A year or so ago, I would've never thought you completely filled this description of love. But now I see there could never be a better fit than you. You are my love and you have been for the longest, no matter how much I've been in denial, there's no getting around it. I noticed the part about being boastful and smiled at your level of maturity. I used to hate when you wouldn't be hype on me but now I realized that you don't have to boo love in public to show your affection.
   Babe, I'm glad you've never given up on me. As many times as I've let you down, I really appreciate your continuous support for me. I'm also glad you still have faith in us. I could never really tell you how I felt because you were somewhat reclusive and didn't really express your feelings. But over the years, I've noticed your unspoken faith and perseverance in making things work for us. I think our problem was we weren't trying hard enough at the same time. But what matters is we both tried and still are trying to make it work. I am definitely hopeful in our future because I know that after the storms comes the sunshine.
   As we both can see our love has endured every circumstance that's been thrown at us. Look where we're at. We can say we're kind of back at the start. We will be back together soon so everything that's gone on in the past has definitely not held us down.
"Love lasts forever."
   This is the deepest line I've ever read in my whole life because it's true. No matter  how many relationships I've had with false notions of infatuation, there will never be a boy, no excuse me, a man that can claim complete ownership of my heart. I've been in denial about my feelings for you. I've tried filling the hole you left with these silly boys who could never be on your level. Now I realize bringing them into my life inflicted extra pain and conflict on not only me but them also.
   I was a damn fool for thinking I could shake you. You have been the most influential person in my life for so long that there's no possible way I could ever lose you again. Rhys, I love you to death (literally). I will forever be by your side because that's the only place i feel right. You say I {complete} you but I think you're the one who {completes} me (thanks Sisqo for those lyrics lol). I'm nothing without you so I'm sticking with you, if that's ok with you.

I love you more babe,
Nykia Charae Sizemore


This shit really brought a tear to my eye. Like I didn't even know where it came from. It was a tear of happiness and joy though. I'm so happy that we've worked through all the trials and tribulations. I don't think there is anybody in this world that I admire more than you. Not only for always being there, but for putting up with my stupidity and my immaturity. You really brighten up my life, and I really mean that. If there is ever a problem with anything, no matter what it is, you can fix it, and I'm sure that I can help with yours. I really want to spend every moment of my life with you, right up until my last breath (even though your a liar and a cheater ). I just want you to know that I love you more than life itself (literally) and there is nothing in this world that can change that.

my life, your entertainment.

it's crazy the way things are. i've been up here for almost 3 months, yet it feels like an eternity. i mean, i knew that things were gonna be hard, but i didn't think that it was gonna be like this. even though it doesn't seem like it sometimes, i really do miss you, and it hurts me more each day that im not with you. it got to the point that i didn't want to come home because it was like somebody was teasing me. all the hours sitting out on your step, or on 40th street, or laying on my couch are definitely not taken for granted. im not gonna lie, there are times when you are unappreciated, and im really sorry for that. i just know that things aren't going the best for us now and i really wanna patch things up before you leave for school. i mean, we think that this is hard now, but when you leave i really dont know what im gonna do with myself. something happens everyday that makes me realize more and more how lucky i am to have somebody like you in my life. i say this all the time, and i hope you believe me, but i really do love you with everything in my heart. its crazy because i know that our time is gonna be short lived with you going to school and me going back too, and i just wanna make the best out of what we have. im really under a lot of pressure from schoolwork and whatnot, but thats not an excuse for the lack of attention ive been giving you. idk babe, i just dont wanna be hurt again, and i definitely dont wanna hurt you. ive said it before and im gonna say it again. id sacrifice me being with you as long as your happy, because, although that would really kill me inside, i would be happy with the fact that your happy. Nykia Charae Sizemore, i just want you to know that i love you with all my heart, and that's never gonna change.

why would i play you? bitch i made you.

you know what conclusion i've recently come to? sometimes the people that are supposed to be there for you the most aren't ever there, and never will be. i know that this is all comin from left field, but bare with me for a minute. say for example i call you my brother. now, its not a real blood relationship, but blood wouldn't make us any closer. throughout this whole friendship, i was always there when you needed somethin, regardless as to if i had it to give or not. now that goes for everything, money, support, a lil advice here or there, a job. you know, just the necessities for an adolescent to support a lifestyle that they couldn't afford to live. like on some real shit when i first met this person, they was the weirdest nigga i had ever known. im talkin bout a straight up loser who had to be in before the streetlights came on. over the years i helped out wit ya shit, even when nobody on the block respected you. i built the whole fuckin swag you got now, and your head is so fuckin clouded with stupidity that you dont even realize it. now if this were any average person, they would get fed up with the lack of grattitude they were receiving, especially considering the fact that they weren't there for you, not even for the little things (like proms and whatnot). what if, on YOUR GIRL'S birthday, i spent more money then i did for my own damn girl. or maybe even the time when i was more than willing to ride for YOUR family that i didnt even know, even though you wouldn't ride for mine, or yours for that matter. i just think its crazy that the people that you look out for always find a way to screw you over in the long run. that can mean a lot of things, such as actin brand fuckin new cause a nigga's tryin to further his education, or leavin the same person hung out to fuckin dry at a bus stop on the opposite side of the city in the fuckin cold. if shit was bad in your world, i tried to help out. i never got that in return. nigga, you fucked around wit the girl that you knew i had the most fuckin feelings for besides my mom and sister, and 1st you lied about it, then you acted like you didnt give a fuck. that just goes to show how corrupted niggas minds is nowadays. and i dont want it to seem like im soundin like a female, or bitchin on some dumb Myspace shit, cause truthfully i would have a lot more to say in person. and hey, maybe im not even talkin about anybody in particular, but im sure that this person would know if i was...

discombobulation.

is, obviously, the state in which one is discombobulated. This, in essence, is just an extremely intricate way to say utter confusion. Utter confusion is definitely the phrase i would use to describe my life at this point in time. I don't know why its like that, but frankly i don't care as long as i'm healthy. The past month or so have just been really draining. I'm really heavily burdened with school, family, and some other things. I think i just need to sit back and re evaluate my concept of life, which is gonna be relatively hard, especially considering the fact that i don't know what life is...

...usually following that phrase there's some kind of cheesy saying that is supposed to prepare you for a special moment in your life. either that or give some sort of enlightenment on how to approach a certain problem. i wanna know where the hell the person is that made up the answer to these scenarios, cause i have a few questions that i need answered. the main question is whether or not it would be sensible to continue with my past, or start off fresh. there is no clear cut way to interpret that question, so dont let it bog in your mind, and dont ask me what it means. i've also realized that people's assumptions have both positive and negative effects on others' lives. me saying that proves to be a tad bit contradictory, seeing as though im a firm believer in the "only God can judge me" concept, but i feel as though its the truth. sometimes people never know what, or who for that matter, is best for them until its too late.

situations.

sometimes people don't see eye to eye on things, and apparently, as a result of this, certain "situations" arise, and one party which was avidly involved somehow suffers from a loss of words. i don't ever have these moments. my silence doesn't come from not knowing what to say, it comes from knowing when not to say certain things. i usually never bite me tounge, and when i do, its because i have the best interest for the bigger picture at heart. im sorry that i can't always be the upbeat and goofy person that i usually am. my apologies for just wanting to relax for a change. i mean, i try, i really do. i'll admit that sometimes it isn't my hardest, but there's always some kind of effort. sorry that you haven't noticed that i'm so fuckin stressed right now that my social life has been pretty much non-existent for weeks, or maybe even the fact that i've lost about 15 pounds in the past month or so, which isn't the healthiest thing in the world. idk, i really don't. maybe its me. maybe i need to be pushin it to the limit all day, every day. maybe not...

blame it on the goose.

Intro: The original title for this blog was ?! but I changed it because of the fact that I'm being extremely nonchalant right now. Even better though, nothing specifically prompted me to write this blog. I just sat down at my computer and it was conveniently on Myspace, so I decided to start typing.

Verse 1: Lately people have been overly annoying. I have no idea what it is. Maybe I've taken more notice to their blatant ignorance, or maybe I've just been extremely irritable. Some people think that they can do and/or say as they feel and there not be any kinds of penalty for their actions/words. I try to ignore the more tedious things, but as the intensity progresses, I feel more and more agitated. Hopefully this is just a phase, because I hate being mad at everybody for absolutely no reason, and this tends to happen.

Chorus: What if I just stopped caring about everything. I wonder if people would stop caring about me. Probably, but you never know until you try it. I'm sure the experience wouldn't be too detrimental.

Verse 2: I recently came to the conclusion that I hate school to the absolute fullest. Not any schools in particular. I hate school in general. The whole concept is bewildering to me, especially on a post-high school level. I do agree that people should further their knowledge until they reach an intellectual plateau with their significant other, but as far as being qualified for a job, i think its quite over rated. Obviously, for some professions, adequate education is necessary. This applies to jobs like doctors, lawyers, and most technicians. For just about everything else though, having 8 years of knowledge other than high school is just a luxury. I hate the system that we live in because, essentially, its based off of a flimsy piece of paper. Some of the hardest workers are rejected by society due to their lack of "feasible" knowledge.

Hook: I don't need no hook for this shit. (Only because I sit and stared at my laptop for 9 minutes and couldn't think of anything viable to say.)

Verse 3: Situations will arise in our lives, but you gotta be smart about it. Yea, I just quoted Usher, but it has some sort of relevance in what I'm thinking. I think the way that things happen are funny, and in some cases, immensely coincidental. For example, a former co-worker of mine was fired from our job. The only reason that she worked there in the first place was because there were no open nursing positions in the hospital that she works at (so she says). But regardless, her being fired was motivation for her to accept any nursing position presented to her. Now I know the validity of this scenario is quite questionable, so I'm asking you to look at the big picture. Over the past couple years I've become a more firm believer in the "When one door closes, another one opens" proverb. It makes more sense to me now. All you really need is some motivation and a tad bit of determination. This makes me think weird things though, like: If I drop out of college maybe I'll luck up and when the Powerball Jackpot, making me the youngest (and laziest) multi-billionaire on the planet. I know everybody reading this just mentally labeled me as a fool, but there's always a possibility. Not a probability, but a possibility.

Outro: I just did a lot of talking, but didn't actually say anything. As I was proofreading I realized that I just rambled on and on and wasn't set getting any specific point across. Although it took you about 4 minutes out of your life to read it, it took me about 20 minutes to type it.